Rampi Says...

People, relationships, career and money are part of our lives. We can lose them for life, but not lose life for them.

Enemies of Time...

Time is something which is far superior than anything in the universe. If you believe in god, time is more powerful. Time can be good and bad. It can kill and heal. We are fighting time. We want it to go back, but it wont. We want the time to be fair to him, us and them, but it wasn't and it is not. We are fighting it with all our strength and power. The time is not fighting back, I stays still, giving us excruciating pain. But we continue fighting, we will fight till the end of our lives.

We are fighting, we know that. I realize that when I give up my cot for mohit to sit and study; when I hug mols after he comes out of the kitchen praying, when I stand there at the door of his room and watch sriram sleeping, at the same place where he had slept a week ago; it was a week, and week is time, we are fighting time. We don't pray blindly asking him to come back. Its not fair to get over it and forget it. Its not a break up. It gives a reason to be normal for sometime and cry, it is something which we have to learn living with. It is something like a deadly disease which will never leave us, we will eventually die of it, but we will live with it. We and all of us who knew him will have to live with it.

The incident hasnt taken away my belief in god. It just has strengthened my unbelief in god. Our fight will continue.

For your information : Ravi, my roommate had gone to hampi with his office colleagues on Friday. On Sunday morning, when he tried to take a bath in the tungabatra river, he got washed away by the current of the river. People around tried to save him, but he got drowned. We weren’t able to find his body till Monday evening. His parents had arrived there and the formalities and the cremation was done at hampi only.

R.I.P - Ravi

Tagged, Whatever!

About the tagger: This tag was from kenneth. How can I miss this? moreover, its a good way to think about something else.
Aw crap, your iPod’s jammed on one song! And you won’t be able to get it fixed for a week! What song do you hope to christ it’s stuck on?
Pink Floyd - Shine on you crazy diamond.
You learn that your new cable package has the Anytime Movie Channel! Which movie do you immediately flick to?
Certainly Anbe Sivam.
You walk in the front door and smell dinner cooking! What makes you go, “Oooh, I like that!”?
I think it will be anything which mom makes.
What’s your favourite season?
The winter! I`d prefer it being snowing. I could go out without protection to feel the chill, the pain and then realize that I`m still alive.
What’s your favourite word?
NO.
And your least favourite?
YES.
If you could be anything in the world when you grow up, what would you be?
I`ve grown up already. And, I`m me.
What’s your pet peeve? C’mon, you can tell us! What makes you go, “ARGH!!!!”?
People talking.
And finally… Which celeb makes you go all fluttery and swoony whenever you see a picture of them?
None. I dont allow anyone else other than myself to make me go all fluttery and swoony.
Great! Now it’s your turn to tag some of your friends for this thing!
I guess I have to... reni and vignesh.

How does it feel?...

I`m 22, still a single, certified workaholic, favorite employee for the boss, no life what-so-ever and a loser in the making. I cant do much about being 22. I`m a single, and I have a excuse, which is "I cant tolerate dumbness". Workaholic - I have to work hard against it; since that also involves working, I`m not inclined towards it. Favorite employee for the boss, I had to answer a lot of peoples' question of how "I" can make such impressions on people. The easy answer was, that he is a bigger moron than I am. No life, hm mm... . A loser in the making; summarizes the whole scenario!

I`m a dead man walking. I hate what I`m doing, but still I`m doing it. To make it sound more stinging, I am addicted to do what I`m doing. Though I wish I could work like this for something which makes more sense than an organisation getting more money out of it. People keep on congratulating me for becoming a sadistic moron(though the guy in my room wont approve of it) or my success at work. Its really a sad story, that I`m sitting in my office on a lovely september bangalore afternoon on a saturday. And as I think about all this, a song echos in my brain...

Bob Dylan:
How does it feel?
How does it feel?
to be on your own...
with no direction home...
like a complete unknown...
like a rolling stone...

It does result in a feeling. A feeling in my stomach. A kind of feeling in which things from my head are running down to my stomach. It between good and bad; awkward.

The Rat Race

It was a cold evening. I was wearing my jacket. It had rained that afternoon, so road was wet. I was listening to Lucky ali - Yeh Dil Deewana hai. I was engrossed to the song that i totally forgot that I hadn't moved an inch for about 5 minutes. When i did realize, I wondered, why it was so abnormal. I hadn't seen that kind of a traffic congestion in a lifetime. Why was it so weird and irritating? I dint realize. It was 7:15 in the evening. Thats when I realized, that was the 1st time in about 5 to 6 months, that I had left office on a week day, "that" early. And, Bangalore was bound to have that kind of traffic at that time.

I had been working my ass out for that long. I`ve never imagined myself working that much. To be very honest, no one ever has imagined "me" work that hard. Not that I have some time for myself, I`m planning to study something and go ahead with life. I've been telling people, with an evil look that, I want more money. And, I`ve been willing to do anything for it. I cant believe I also am falling into the shell of earning money, wanting more, getting more and still wanting more. The life, the professional life, has not given the openings for me to do what i want to do. And, to point out the mistakes i did, I very, very lately realised what i want to do. I`ve become a serious contender in the Rat Race.

Rampi Says...

Motivation never seem to come from the hard working person you like or who is your friend. It rather comes from a person whom you dont admire, when he/she rises to a greater level. *

*It has made me start studying for Gmat again.

Ten things I miss about Chennai/Home.

1. The Beach!
2. The sound of the AC thermostat going “click”, when I’m half asleep at 2 or 3am.
3. My feet on the table, Pink Floyd casting their spell, looking into the monitor.
4. Hours and hours of wall staring.
5. The numerous, midnight freak out places. (It’s not always about the booze!)
6. Bike rides, with an attire to be worn in Antarctica.
7. Long naps on the open book.(more of a college student thing)
8. Delicious mangoes. I know I’m still in India. But, the pleasure of sitting in front of the TV and sucking on a cold mango seed on a Chennai summer afternoon. WOW!
9. The rare rain. And the temptation to get wet.
10. The beach! Oh I’ve already listed that. The teleporting thoughts while I sit and watch the waves.

Stating the Obvious

It is nevere ever forgivable, when I say I have been working my arse off, and coz of that I havent been writing anything in this space. To be very very honest, I have opened the 'New Post' page atleast a coupla times and sat right there, wondering what I should write. The same is the case now. I have no idea what I should write about. It`s been a long time since I used this space. But, absolutely nothing has happened from then till now. Life is absolutely stagnant, no forward nor a backward movement. I`m staring straight into the tunnel, which has no end. And believe me, it is pretty damn dark in there.

I have brought my dad`s car to Bangalore. Diesel price has been increased. I, not contradicting with universal opinion, accept the fact that, bangalore traffic is quite annoying, especially when you use a car. But, the climate is awesome and with good music in the car, and if you are not in a hurry, then you can always live happily with a car here. Again, with the hike in the fuel prices, I might just contradicting myself.

For quite sometime, I have been wanting to write about the things I notice when I go on a long walk on the airpot road. But, by the time i started writing, I had stopped taking one of those walks. This is an absolutely non-sense post, with a non-sense title. But, Heres a start. I`m not gonna leave this place. So, expect more soon.

Rampi Says...

There is a tiny difference between a good guy and the bad guy; the good guy has the fear of being seen!

Rampi Says...

You dont live to work, but you work to live!!
Where is the life???

Rampi Says...

It feels like heaven when you realise that, you had earned the sip of coffee you drink!

Void,NULL....ahhh, the head hurts!

The voidness prevails! I have nothing to write, though I think a lot! I am sitting in my office, in my spare time, the little which is there, and writing this on the love telling/rose giving eve! No, I’m not going to write about my confusions about being un-committed again. This is going to be about another relationship all-together.

Over the years of watching and learning, and getting hurt and learning, and finally getting screwed and learning, I have developed immense immunity towards things which would normally put normal people into an advanced state of depression. This immunity rocks! Seriously, it makes you feel like “GOD”! It feels like its been a decade since I got depressed and its been a fairly good journey.

Now, this immunity apparently grew to a fair level and I started getting immune to people. I never really cared for what others around me, directly or indirectly related to me thought about me. I do have a group of friends who are pretty much similar. But, you know, crazy things happens sometimes which makes me wonder that, “Am I a normal human being, just like others?” . But most of the time when I wonder, I answer myself, Dennis Leary style! “Naah! I’m an a**hole!”.

Anyway, you talk to a friend, a good one, who might just “care” for you. You don’t care a damn, you don’t put what that person says into your head, but, you know that, the soul is a good friend of yours! You are in an awkward position where you just receive and you don’t give. And, having been immune for so long, you don’t even know if you have to give or not. You just don’t know what you have to do, and basically end up confused. I guess the best way is to be the way you have always been.

It is a bit of a stupid post! I ask a question and answer it myself. But what the hell, after a long break I’m writing something, so forgiven for whatever I write!

Tataz!

Live and Let Die!

Rampi Says...

The impact a book you read makes is so enormous that it makes a difference in the whole of your life!

Singilinium!

Single-hood is good! just beautiful! I have no regrets whatsoever! I`m leading an absolutely happy life being a single! I ain`t complaining about it at all! Okay! Now I have the liberty to say the following stuffs.

I was talking to a friend, who apparently was pretty frustrated about being a single and he so desperately wanted a girl friend. I asked him if he was serious! Something like this coming from a guy like him, who apparently cared a damn about girls was surprising! Okay, now i understood that he was pretty serious! I asked him what the hurry was. We apparently had all our lives. Then he said something which was so so pathetic! "Age is catching up dude!"WTF?

Okay, then reality knocked the door! Yes age was catching up, not physically, I`am just going to be 22 from being 21! That does make a difference! Yes, apparently, right there, in front of my eyes, each and everyone of the individuals i know either get committed or gets married! I have no idea how it makes them feel, but it does make me feel old! I used to love the days when I can frankly say a girl that she`s dumb! Now I`m called a male chauvinist! Which doesn't bother me much!

I was talking to the same friend of mine, and we were talking about how every single girl we come across is either dumb and stupid and how all the smart girls are seriously committed. And when I was cribbing about how everyone I know is committed now, to another friend of mine, she says, "its the age!. Everyone tends to get committed or get into a relationship in early 20`s whether it works out or not." I nodded in acknowledgment. So, what am I supposed to do now? I have seen guys who hunt, flirt with every available girl in sight. That can never be me! And every time I say someone that, I prefer being a single, they look at me like a Martian!

Okay the fact is, I might feel too organized or committed or whatever if I`m having someone to share each and everything with. And thats totally contrary to what I am now! Well, love life the way it is now, and expect it to be the same!


And seriously, Live and let die! :-)

Midnight melodies!

Its been quite sometime! About a month i guess. A lot been happening since the last post!

Firstly, I saw taare zameen par! Okay, no! Its not fair for me to review a movie like that! Aamir proves he`s the best once again. I watched it with a friend. I was kind of cautious not to cry with the guy near me. But, I ended up laughing when I saw buckets of tears from his eyes! It was a very good movie!

Then, my eventful new year! The most eventful one!(I am Sarcastic!) It was bad, even worse than the new year i slept at 11 15! I was boarding a train to chennai. I was wide awake at the stroke of midnight, listening to music! Then the disaster happened, the zune died! The happening marked the end of the only entertainment that was existing on that train with me! Then the fight started, the fight between the roaring lion and the growling bear and the hissing snake. I could hear it all. There was this 60 year old lady, playing the lion, the parsi guy playing the bear and a middle aged woman playing the snake! If you dont understand, they were all snoring! I couldnt sleep all night.

Then, the sabari mala trip! Was as usual the best thing that happened this year, so far! We were lucky to see a herd, or whatever you call it, of elephants! It was wonderful!

Then, something happened which made me think! There was a fight, or a misunderstanding, or whatever; between people who are/were/is a good friend(s) of mine! It was confusing 1st. But, later, the fault and the mistake was recognized. The sinner was aptly punished. The punisher dint have to think twice. OK! All is fine now, the life is as smooth as a lotus petal. But, it just makes me wonder, to what level a simple action of stupidity can cause a super noah! The relationships between people have been used and reused and exploited. Bad! Hmmm...

Now, I live basically on music and coffee! Well, those who dint know, I got the zune a month back. For those who dont know what the zune is, it is the microsoft`s reply to apple iPod. Well, its big, but stores lots of music and pretty good too. And, when we get it for a very cheap price, then anything is worth it! So, music+coffee=life!

Otherwise, life`s cool!
Live and Let die!

Chow!
(Inappropriate title, dont mind!)

Rampi Says...

The excitement that happens when something which is never available, is given for a couple of hours is worth every second!

Written when full internet access was provided in office! :-)

Too good 07...

About the same time last year, I had ranted about the year(2006) being so horrifying and tormenting!Now, after an year, and the looking at the end of another extremele fast paced year, I just wonder how different this year has been.Infact, 2007 has been faster than any other years. May be coz, its the best year ever for me. Highlights of the year!

1.Started with the tremendous sabari mala trip. I personally loved the trip, mostly because, I was the responsible younger guy who does the things which are supposed to be done. And a sabari mala trip is always worth it. Looking forward for the next trip, for which i`m leaving on
jan 1st(To hell with the new year plans!).

2.I got the freedom which I`ve always wanted. Having grown in an absolutely typical middle class family with a well mannered dad and extrememly lovable(sacrificing) mother, there was always the urge to break the shackles and get out of the rolling rubber ball. So, the freedom matters to me a lot.I got it big time this year.

3.Then came the "last days of college" time. Well to be very honest,our college sucked real big time. We dint have the typical college life. There wasnt any culturals,we never danced/sung on stage(But, when our college is compared with other colleges in chennai, our`s is a 10527 times better!). But, just as they say, "beauty lies in the eyes of a beer holder!", we had a lot of fun. I can cherish the enormous number of night-outs in thou`s place.The parties by the pool in joo`s farm house.The embarassments among us, which were actually things to talk about later when we meet up. The un-hidden secrets, things which we thought never existed among each other.
The time with the guys occupied the 1st 7 months of the year. And I thankfully dint miss a second of it.

4.The trip to goa! I`ve written about the trip numerous number of time before. But, cant resist. Its something which none of us can forget for the rest of our lives.The sleepless nights on the beach, the droolings over real life bikini babes. Who can forget the fun we had! Guys, if you read this, it was an amazing trip!Thank you!

5.Bangalore! I left chennai for good, and came to settle down in india`s sillicon valley. Its actually not a big deal, if you are witnessing this from outside.I know the hopes I had cultivated that I would be posted somewhere outside chennai. Chennai wasnt the place for me. I was in a state where, I was okay even if they had put me up in the middle of a god forsaken desert, as long as it wasnt chennai. I love this city, not coz of the climate, not coz of all the good looking women,
not coz of the night-life(which i`m yet to explore completely). I love bangalore, coz its not chennai. I have no memories here. Its like I started a new life here.New people, new house, new room-mates. This is one the huge things that has happened to me.

6.After life in bangalore for about 3-4 months, I was asked the question. I was asked if I had wanted to go to chennai. The good thing was that they gave me a choice.I took 1 day to decide. There were people who wanted me to go to chennai and there were people otherwise. But, I took a decision, to stay back. The good thing is, I never regretted the decision. And it was one of the biggest decision i had to make. It really isnt as easy as it sounds!

Every second this year has been good, so contrasting to last year! I dont expect anything of the coming year! And the 15 days left are gonna fly away without any traces of existence. So, happy new year mates! Love you all!

Rampi Says...

There is an adventure t every point of life. Its just us who has to find it and dig it out! I just mean to say, life is not boring!

Irony of Life

Six months back,
When the head feels heavy, the vision is blurred, the sun is peeping through the window, I slowly opened my eyes. Searched for the mobile which was somewhere near. Checked the time. It was late. But I dint care, I wanted to sleep more. So I did sleep more. The i wake up half an hour after that. It was a monday morning. I had to go to college. I opened my wardrobe. My clothes were neatly pressed and arranged. I took out the worst of the shirts and wore it. I dint care how i looked. I looked at the watch. It was 8:30. I had to be at college by 9. I dint care about that. I wanted to be a bit economic and wanted to catch the bus. But its too late. I took the bike and left to college!

Now,
When the head feels heavy, the vision is blurred, the sun is peeping through the window, the thought struck me, that I was late I had to leave for office. It was a monday morning. You know the usual monday syndrome. I opened my closet to check if i had any clothes at all. Then I looked at the laundry basket. It was overflowing. Then I again looked into my wardrobe. I picked up a wrinkled shirt. Smelt it to check if it was washed. Felt a relief when it smelt good. Then I spent 5 minutes asking my room-mate to iron it for me. He refuses! Then i do one of the most painful job of the universe. I pressed the shirt. I then listen to the curses of the fellow being that i was the reason for all of the guys being late. We left! To the office, to work,to earn!

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